In that same year, there were an average of 27.3 suicides per 100,000 people in South Korea. Among the most common causes of death in the country, about 40 South Koreans take their own lives every day. These harrowing statistics are not news to most of us, we have heard or read about them before. But I wonder how many of us realise that, behind each number, lies a person with a story. And in many instances, it's a story very similar to David Rathband’s.
There are people suffering from despair and suicidal feelings all around us as we go about our daily lives, who, more often than not, appear completely normal to us. The old man sitting next to you on the subway might be pondering going home and ending his life by taking some tablets. His wife has passed away, the children have their own families to tend to, he doesn’t have any money left, nobody needs him around anymore; he feels. Or perhaps on a late night bus ride across the river, you see a bespectacled teenager slowing walking alone along the bridge footpath. Unknown to you, he is contemplating jumping off the bridge. He has failed to get the exam results needed for getting into the SKY universities. I’m a disappointment to my parents, I’ll never get a well-paid job and a beautiful wife, I don’t have a future, he thinks. In South Korea, social isolation, stressful jobs, financial problems, depression and the highly competitive education system are among the common factors putting people at risk of suicide.
It’s often hard to tell how someone is feeling on the inside, so how can we help those around us who might be thinking of ending their life? How do we know if a family member, a friend or colleague or even a stranger maybe suffering from despair and suicidal feelings? According to the Samaritans, a UK based charity that provides listening support to people suffering from suicidal feelings, some of the following signs may indicate someone is in poor emotional health:
- lacking energy or appearing particularly tired
- appearing more tearful
- not wanting to talk to or be with people
- not wanting to do things they usually enjoy
- a change in routine, such as sleeping or eating more or less than normal
- using alcohol or drugs to cope with feelings
- finding it hard to cope with everyday things
- appearing restless and agitated
- not liking or taking care of themselves or feeling they don't matter
- being un-typically clumsy or accident prone
- becoming withdrawn or losing touch with friends and family
People who are struggling to cope with life often feel negative about themselves and suffer from feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness and isolation. They might make statements like ‘I can't take this anymore, I want to give up’, ’Nobody loves me’ or ‘I hate myself’. Sometimes they might express these feelings through mobile messaging and social media (tweets, Facebook posts etc.). Even if said jokingly, these remarks should be taken seriously.
If you recognise these signs in someone you know, you can offer support by trying to get them to talk to you. Numerous studies have shown that when given the opportunity to talk about their thoughts and feeling, people are able to think more clearly. Ask open questions to help explore how they feel. Suicidal feelings are often momentary and talking to someone about your emotions is often a huge relief. It may result in the suicidal person choosing to take a different course of action than ending his or her life.
Secondly, be an active listener. Active listening involves giving your full attention to the speaker and from time to time giving responses which encourage the other person to continue talking. When listening to someone sharing their problems, it is often very tempting to offer your own advice and opinions. However, this often causes more harm than help. It is important to respect what other person is telling you and let them make their own decisions. You can suggest sources of professional help like counselling or government run services but don't pressure them to follow through on your advice.
On the day he took his own life, Rathband tweeted, “Some people look like pencils after trauma and loss - on the exterior functioning well, on the inside broken. Do you know any pencils?? “If so please visit one and make sure they are coping, even if they don’t answer your calls.. That pencil may just snap and be lost 4ever ;-(“.
And finally, if you are going through a tough time in life, not necessarily thinking about suicide, please take courage to talk to someone about how you feel. Talking about your emotions can help you think more clearly about what your options are and make you feel better. You can talk to a friend or family member you trust, or, if you prefer to talk to a stranger, you can talk to a professional counsellor. Further information on where to find help if you are feeling suicidal or on how to support a friend who might be struggling is available on the following websites: Befrienders Worldwide (www.befrienders.org), Suicide.org (www.suicide.org), the Samaritans UK (www.samaritans.org).
