The last six months have been the most difficult time of my life so far. Disappointments one after the other have been hitting me like waves at high tide. If I had never been in a storm in my life before, I am in one right now, and an awfully long one. I think the most terrible thing about storms is the absolute uncertainty of time, I can't tell if this is the beginning, the middle or the end of it....
Its been six months since I graduated for university, still can't find a job, don't have the money to study any further, the economic crisis forecasts a dark picture. Refused applications are piling up. Disappointment. Only a single friend left who seems a little interested in my life when called upon. Loneliness. What's gonna happen next? How long is this gonna last? Will my life get any better? Will I survive this? Fear. And the biggest question, where is the God who promised so many things to those who believe in him? Who said 'I'll never leave or forsake you', who speaks to a storm and it becomes still waters? Is He watching, is He listening to all the prayers I've been offering, the tears I've shed, just a little show of force from Him could do wonders for me. But silence. Doubt creeps in, faith starts becoming shaky. Maybe I need a plan B now. Some other way to get me out of here. I don't ever doubt the existence of God, or His love for me. But sometimes I, like Job in the bible, do wonder what's going on in the heavens. Have I done something wrong, is God teaching me a lesson or is this just my share of universal human suffering?
What do you do in a storm like this? You do what you would do in any storm. You sit back and trust God that on His watch, you'll always make it through. You wait with hope that no dark night lasts a lifetime, dawn might be just around the corner. Is it difficult to trust God with your future at a time like this? Ofcourse, otherwise it won't be a storm in the first place. Could it be done? That's totally up to you, how you look at things, 'perspective' as it's called.
Take the famous story of David and Goliath from the Bible. The whole army is scared of a giant warrior. Passing by is a sheperd boy delivering a meal. He sees the giant, is furious at his insults, decides he's gonna take him out himself. What made the difference, what gave him such absolute courage? It's called perspective. While everyone else saw the mighty giant, this guy saw the mighty God. And that was enough to change everything.
Is my storm over? Not at all, I have no idea what's yet to come. Have I learned to trust God with my life and totally depend on Him to get me through all this? I'm still getting there. And my perspective? Its changing slowly. The giants of fear, discouragement, doubt..... are getting smaller and smaller everyday, and my God's getting bigger all the time.
